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  • Writer's pictureNikki Hynes

Can You Ever Truly Find Yourself?

There is a lot of talk these days about finding yourself. I have spoken about it myself while having conversations with you. But have you ever stopped to truly think about what it means to find yourself and can you ever truly find yourself?

As mentioned in my prior posts and on my social media, I have been spending a lot of time self reflecting and trying to gain clarity on what direction I want my life to go in this coming year. It was during one of these self reflection moments that I paused and thought about this whole finding yourself thing...because I could have sworn I've been on a journey of self discovery for years, so why was I still feeling lost and in need of direction?

That is when I realized that you never can truly find yourself.

You see, I think we confuse finding ourselves with acknowledging what we want most in life. We aren't lost. We don't need a treasure map and compass to find out who we are, however we do need to ask ourselves questions because theoretically we are lost in the noise of the world. Comparing ourselves to social media posts, trying to live up to family expectations and an overall sense of trying to fit in tends to dull our sparkle and make us forget who we truly are or what we desire deep down inside. We need to silence the outside noise, and have a conversation with ourself, aka, self reflection or journaling.

Once we are honest with ourselves and reconnect with what it is we want in life, we have the ability to create the person we want to be.

Have you ever changed your hair style, the way you dress, the type of books or music that you listen to? This isn't because you don't know who you are, it's because you are discovering what you like and spending some time living within those things. That's called self discovery and isn't discovery another way to say finding?

We are all a work in progress, working on ourselves daily (or telling ourselves that we need to). We get to create the person we want to be by working on our habits and our mindsets. We get to dive into things that interest us and learn more about them to see how they fit (or don't fit) into the life we want to lead. You get to create your story every single day that you open your eyes and are greeted by a new dawn, because it's a new chapter and you're the main character!

You can choose to dwell on the things that have went wrong or that are not going right in the current moment and stay stuck in a loop or you can realize that motivation comes and goes and feeling are not always positive. We are human are not supposed to be 100% positive all of the time. However, we need to accept that our life is our own and that we can change it at any given moment. The life we desire is all about decision.

I believe that instead of finding ourselves we should strive to better understand ourselves. This will allow us to make decisions that can create the best version of who we are, that are in line with the life we desire the live.

Ready to re-connect with yourself and figure out what you want? Check out this post and ask yourself the questions. Make sure you answer them honestly and then come back here to continue on.

So how can you create the best version of yourself? Glad you asked!


Habits are not complicated but they can be difficult in the beginning. They're called habits for a reason. They're basically things that we do on autopilot without thinking. There are good habits (things that are in line with what we want to achieve) and bad habits (things that stand in the way of us achieving the things we want). The key to changing a bad habit is first identifying it and then identifying a new, good habit that can replace the bad one and help you to create the change that you desire.

I know I made that seem really simple and I promise to do a more in-depth post about habits but if you want to dig in now I suggest you grab a copy of the book Atomic Habits by James Clear


Limiting beliefs are the mother of all obstacles, in my opinion. Many of them are so deeply ingrained within us, that we don't even know they are there until we really start digging deep into ourselves and asking ourselves questions. Limiting beliefs tie directly into our negative self-talk and are the cause of many of our fears. Some examples are:

  • I am not enough.

  • Money is the root of all evil (There is never enough money.)

  • I'm too old to learn or try new things. I missed my chance.

  • I cannot do _________ because it would upset _____________.

  • I am not meant to be healthy, no one in my family is.

Digging into these limit beliefs can be the most powerful and liberating self improvement you ever do. Many of them were implanted in our subconscious as children (unintentionally) by our families and others were caused by judgement that we received in life.

No matter where yours stem from, it is always worth questioning that voice of fear when it begins screaming. Ask it when it first started and if there is proof that the narrative it is telling you is true. Chance are, it is not!

I first really learned about limiting beliefs and dove into them after reading the book You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero.


You need to surround yourself with people who push you to be better. People who support you in your quest to be the best version of yourself and people who have the habits you want to have yourself. You also need people who you can learn from to be a part of your circle. Being the smartest person in the group is never a good thing. It creates a comfort zone and doesn't challenge you!

You can only be as good as the people you surround yourself with. If those closest to you spend time talking about others or are dripping in drama, it's a red flag and it is time to reevaluate this relationship. This can be tough when it comes to family or friends you have known for a long time. Knowing that you need to distance yourself from them is never easy, but boundaries can help in these cases and your overall happiness and well being is most important.

Check out We Are Creatures of Our Environment for more on this subject.

Another important component to aligning yourself is acknowledging that you are 100% in full control of how you react in a situation. Worrying about how others will view the changes you are making in your life will only hold you back and weigh you down. If you are with someone and they start talking poorly about someone else, you do not have to participate and you can change the subject. By doing this you raise your vibration (yes, I got woo-woo on you) and you surround yourself with positive energy.

4 - Own Your Own Sh*t

What would you do if this was the last year you had to live?

Would you dive into all of the things listed above and work on them or would you just throw your hands in the air and say what's the point?

You have to be willing to move YOURSELF from where you are now to where you want to be. Is it going to be easy? Some days it will be and other days it won't be but I think that's the beauty in life.

Read more on owning your own sh*t or check out Mel Robbins book The High Five Habit which I recently read and truly enjoyed.

It's time to stop trying to find yourself and instead start seeing yourself! You were never lost, you just stopped listening to yourself at some point. Reconnect with yourself, recommit to what's important to you and remember that you are in charge of your own life!

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